Angie

Angie Bailey was my friend. Is my friend. Do you say 'is' or 'was' when someone passes, because she's still a part of my world. I met Angie on Facebook. We just talked casually at first but then she wrote to me in a personal message because she was at her wits end. She had many health problems and at one point was prescribed large doses of steroids that gave her medically induced Cushings and that's how she came to be a part of my world - through the Cushings community. She poured her heart out to me in frustration and that was the beginning of an amazing friendship. She was an amazing person. I don't say that only now because she's gone, but because she really truly was!! I doubt that I will EVER meet anybody like her again in my lifetime.

Angie battled many diseases. She had issues with her reproductive system, so they removed most of it, other problems, so they took out some more, and most recently was thyroid cancer, so they also took out her thyroid. With every new thing, when she could have completely broken down and lost it, she managed to hold it together and use it to fuel her in life. She took the crappy things related to her health and turned them into loving her friends and family more and 'doing' for other people. She was so damn generous, that I imagine if she could have, she would have stripped down naked to make sure you were warm. She gave money all the time when she could, she gave things to people who needed them, but even just when she gave you her attention, she made sure you felt special. She was so smart, and so wise. You could have a dumb conversation with her one minute about the stupid shit people do, and the next minute you could be having a philosophical conversation with her about the theories of human behavior. She was a one-stop-shop for all of the things you look for in a person. You could laugh, you could cry, you could be yourself, Angie allowed that and welcomed it. Actually, the more off your rocker you were, the more she liked you. Plain was boring!

Angie and I have both had a really hard go at life but we made promises to each other. We promised that we would never give up and that we would keep fighting and that one day we'd open up a practice together! We were both working to become psychologists and work in the medical community. So we just promised to keep fighting. She also made a smaller promise to me that even if things were shitty.. that she would at the very least "peep" at me.. just so I would know she was okay and she did keep this promise once.. she sent me a message that said "peep".. she didn't have to explain more, but I knew she was okay.

Last year a lot of crap happened and in the end, Angie made the decision to move to New York from Ohio. Long story short, I ended up losing touch with her and the next thing I heard was that she passeed. I feel sort of to blame for not being there for her.. for not being just a 'peep' away when she needed somebody. So many questions, so many what-if's, could I have done something to change the outcome? I really don't know and will never know. Truthfully, I still don't even know or understand what happened. I just know she's gone. 

All I know with 100% certainty is that this world lost a real, true Angel. I know that when someone dies, people will glorify a person so as not to talk about them bad when they're gone, but this isn't what I'm doing.. Angie really just was an amazing person. And the world has a huge hole to fill with her gone now.

I miss you Angie.. I'm sorry I never got to meet you in person, and I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you more. I wish you could have kept your promises to me and that we could have made some of our dreams come true. Your family and friends miss you so damn much, as do your animals and all of the people and animals who never got the chance to meet you - they're all missing out.

Your pain and suffering is gone now - that's the ONLY good thing to come of this. Rest in peace, Angie. I love you. <3